A Matter of Pride
Marcus Shares His Perspective on Pride Month
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It’s June, which means for the LGBT+ community a month of gatherings, parades, festivals, and celebrations. These events of varying degrees draw many people, from young adults who might find themselves in dance clubs, to blended families, to children, parents, grandparents, grandchildren, and everyone in between who might enjoy celebrations in their communities. These celebrations are filled with LGBT+ community members, their families—both blood relatives and families of choice, community resource organizations, religious institutions, and all manner of vendors both supporting and providing to and for the LGBT+ community and their allies.
I’m mindful the LGBT+ community is incredibly diverse and therefore many may not share my values, sense of empathy, and political positions. Whether LGBT+ or not, and no matter where we might fall on a scale of beliefs, we all face very similar stressors, from our personal and professional relationships and pains to wrestling with our own personal contributions to and the effects of some of the great national and global issues of our time,. The war in Ukraine, the new war in the Middle East, the application, roll-back and reapplication of tariffs unilaterally, rather than by congress as the constitution mandates, Senators and civil servants being arrested by ICE agents for demanding members of that agency obey the law – like have warrants, articulate reasons for detention, etc., and a President who seems to be conducting military policy based on which MAGA/FOX News personality appeals to his vanity the greatest or who gets the last word before he makes a decision about sending our troops into harm’s way all weigh heavily on my conscience and many others. There are no shortage of stressors, outrageous acts, or emotionally draining barrages of issues, any of which would have been overwhelming in its own right prior to the present administration and the positions it takes.
When I was offered the opportunity to write this editorial, I was honored to take it, but I wasn’t sure just yet what I wanted to say. In the days since, several things have happened just to members of the LGBT+ community. These can be disturbing for some, frightening to others, and outright overwhelming to still others. The Supreme Court decided a state can ban gender-affirming care, and, in rapid succession, the Trump administration announced the closure of the LGBT+ Youth suicide hotline. This extremely and increasingly vulnerable community is under siege. Then, this administration terminated a mental health hotline dedicated to preventing the suicide of the children of that community. Make no mistake; as a result, people will die.
Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, and why not? Can’t pride lead to arrogance and unreasonableness? Yes. Can’t pride lull someone into a false sense of security? Yes, it absolutely can. But pride can mean many things to different people.
When I think about what Pride means to me, my first thought is of Stonewall Inn–that little bar operated by the mob, and law enforcement who arrested, over and over, its patrons and employees for the crimes of “the purchase and sale of alcohol to homosexuals.” I think about the drag queens who frequented the establishment being the group that literally started a standoff with police using rocks because they were not going to be hauled off in the patty wagon one more time. I think about how after media scrutiny, the police finally backed down on the arrests, and I think about the first anniversary celebration of those riots at the Stonewall Inn that began what morphed into today’s modern iteration of Pride. My thoughts drift into all of the strides the LGBT+ community have made since that time, and how much those strides have benefitted others as well, from ACT UP! And the AIDS crisis, to Lawrence vs. Texas, ultimately to the Obergefell decision which finally recognized a gay or lesbian man or woman’s right to obtain the same legal relationship with their chosen partner as a heterosexual couple.
As a proud gay man, I have a personal pride in my LGBT+ community writ large, including its incredible diversity. I have that Pride because I recognize the inherent human value which does not lessen just because someone is not the same sexuality as me. I have a sense of civic pride built on empathy, that guides me in my decisions and my feelings about those decisions. Through that sense of civic pride, I believe it is my responsibility to give back to my LGBT+ community and make sure people who still feel the pains and fears of being viewed as something “less than” or “abnormal” or “perverted” or “sinful” or “damned,” or any of the number of other things people say about people who have different beliefs and/or characteristics in the sexual orientation, sex, and gender expression. Because of that responsibility, I am compelled to do everything I can to try make those same people feel welcome, loved, appreciated, and valued, even if it means something as simple as showing up when it is time to celebrate our differences, which we cherish while recognizing our differences and our similarities are not the sole characteristics of our identities. Neither my civic pride, nor my responsibilities end there, though.
I am so many things. I am gay, cis, male, middle-aged, part Caucasian & part American Indian. I am an advocate and honored to be an officer of the Court. I am proud of the things I believe, including an idea of America that is not held hostage by showmanship, entertainment masquerading as “news” and “facts.” I have a duty to the community of those who share the same or similar values as I do. Part of that duty means engagement. It means showing up, dedicating my time, effort, and sometimes sweat into trying to uphold and share those same ideas and values, such as the irresponsibility of demagoguery media and politics. Make no mistake, the “culture wars” have very meaningful implications for civilized society. Those who feel as I do and share those same ideas and values are not the only people with senses of personal, community, and/or civic pride.
I have watched in horror hyperbole, exaggeration and faux rage become financially rewarding since the late 1990s. Yet, that recognition of that same hyperbole, exaggeration, faux rage, and conspiracy theories only happens in retrospect. When I first heard Rush Limbaugh, I was a child and he was on in the mornings when I was getting ready for school. When I first understood how outside the realm of likelihood some of the oldest thoughts and conspiracies espoused by Alex Jones, I was already growing into a young adult despite years of prior exposure.
People by and large can be coaxed and manipulated. Children naturally incorporate the things they learn or come to believe when they are young into their realities as they grow. While entertainment masquerading as “news” has been pervasive for a very long time now, it is only in the last 20 years that putting others down, whether in terms of shaming them, threatening their physical, mental, and/or emotional safety or security has taken over large swaths of people not just in the United States, but all around the world. There are people who, because they have never known anyone who is transgender, or an undocumented immigrant, or someone who has been charged with a false allegation, criminally charged and prosecuted, have grown to believe what they are being told. They believe it in part because they are being told these things to some degree or another, more and more openly, and loudly for decades by authority in their life, including their parents and some religious institutions. They have been told not to trust these people, that they should fear these people who are “sick,” “dangerous,” “immoral,” and so on. Demagoguery and demonizing others has become so mainstream that so many people who have been told these things for so long, and who in some cases are victims of circumstance or the policies of these same authorities believe them, despite never meeting, interacting with in a friendly or intimate way, and/or living around these “others,” in part because their social situations constantly serve to reinforce those same teachings. To those who are victims of circumstances, they have been convinced these “others” are the victors and victimizers, and to the victors go the spoils.
Something else which was very unexpected also happened. A former chair of the LGBT section of the State Bar of Texas drafted a communication to the section today which also cited the decision of the Supreme Court. It acknowledged States’ abilities to regulate whether medical providers can provide puberty blockers to youth who identify as transgender are here to stay, at least for now. This person then went on to accuse the HRC, Lambda Legal, and the ACLU of going down a “rabbit hole” regarding “performative gender” and abandoning their former core and fundraising base. They went on to provide three references to books regarding transgender youth, and even going into some bit of a critique on some queer theory ideas espoused by Judith Butler. Personally, I found the communication repugnant, at best, and even distasteful from a purely academic standpoint detached from most concepts of empathy because of the day on which it was sent and what took place regarding SCOTUS that same day.
What this reminds me though, and what is sometimes so difficult for those who share my political persuasion to see and remember, is the people who are being led by demagogues and influenced by people driven by money, greed, and power have senses of personal, community, and civic pride as well. Many of them earnestly hold the beliefs that have been engrained in them. If you watch social media posts related to news stories, you can see the fruits of extremism informed by ignorance and demagoguery. When I say ignorance, I mean a lack of knowledge and/or experience, mostly lack of experience with those who don’t share the same views, even if they might share the same values.
If we allow ourselves to forget this, we become unyielding in our own perspective. As a PROUD being, I believe we have to be willing to lead people away from negatively objectifying the “others” through all means. It takes those who are willing to show up and make sure an event comes together, those who show up to enjoy those events, those who show up to protests, those who show up to town halls, those who show up in lecture halls, those who show up at city council meetings, those willing to express their identity characteristics, and those who comment online, because unless the people who have learned to despise us as enemies through those who in seeking power and money would profit from turning us against one another interact with the “others” in meaningful ways, they might never learn the truth. We each have a responsibility to meet the moment and contribute whatever we can to it, whether it means helping someone else feel like they are in a safe place to express their identity, or just talking to people you regularly in Pride, to me, means being willing to engage, but also being willing to experience whatever is necessary, whether frustration, solitude, or discomfort in order to appeal to the better angels of civilized man. For most of those who would oppress us, we are only a means to an end; ultimately, power, praise, and even self-worth.
Pride is more important now than, perhaps, ever before! Whether your sense of pride drives you to say “NEVER ACCEPT BEING LESS THAN” and proclaim it loudly from the rooftops, or your sense of pride drives you to endure the demagoguery and pain being intentionally inflicted in order to witness to those who do so without intention to cause pain, and perhaps not knowing what their ideas are causing, show your PRIDE! I am proud of the LGBT+ community I belong to, and I am so incredibly proud of so many of the LGBT+ community’s invaluable allies!
Signed,
A PROUD, GAY, MAN